It’s Rye Week, Whiskey Women! Since you’ve already read Laura’s article “Why Rye?” you know that rye is essentially bourbon’s delicious, spicier, lighter, firecracker of a cousin. All that talk about spice and cousins got me thinking about ways to add a little verve to different parts of your life, so I decided to turn to the queens of life and spice to help us all out: The Spice Girls! Seriously, if kids these days had The Spice Girls to look up to, instead of those creepy Bratz Dolls, the world would be in a better place. Each one of the group’s songs is tailor made to provide you with a musical guidebook for most situations in life. (2 Become 1 talked about contraception, for whiskey’s sake. Take it or leave it, boys!) The Spice Girls are the highest selling all-female group of all time, they single-handedly made platform shoes a 90s thing, they PINCHED PRICE CHARLES’ BUTT, and they even met aliens in Spice World. You can’t get more badass than The Spice Girls. It’s time we brought back the culture of Girl Power they espoused, and what better time to start than during Rye Week? Put on a Spice Girls YouTube playlist, pour a glass of rye and, illuminated by the glow of fireworks shooting across the July sky, let Spice be your guide.

Pull up that skirt and tip your glass back, ladies. Girl power is back.

Getting dressed for a party:

Whenever I’m getting dressed for a party, I remember a scene from a Spice World trailer where Posh Spice – always the last to get ready - takes one last look in the mirror before walking out with the girls and asks, “Is my skirt too short?” “Nahhhhh,” the girls reply, so she hikes it up a little further and walks out the door. THAT is the confidence we all need, Whiskey Women! Show ‘em what you want, what you really really want, “Cos’ the lady is a vamp, she’s a vixen not a tramp.”

-Wannabe, Lady Is A Vamp

Being hit on by someone who is way too into themselves:

Show him who is in charge with your completely justified and self-respecting demands:  “So here’s a story from A to Z, you wanna get with me you gotta listen carefully…If you want my future, forget my past, If you wanna get with me, better make it fast…Now don’t go wasting my precious time,
Get your act together we could be just fine.” Basically - creep, I’m in charge of my body and if I sleep with you, it’s certainly not because you convinced me to. And you better be good because my time is precious, as highlighted by all those references to my past, present and future, also I have my pick of the sexy options in this club. Don’t even think about being there when I wake up. Easy V doesn’t come for free!

Wannabe (duh, this entire song is a giant girl power anthem)

Being hit on by someone you’re really into but don’t want to have babies with, yet:

2 Become 1 is about safe sex, ladies! WHO KNEW?! Protecting your reproductive rights is totally a girl power thing, and if you talk about it with your partner in these sultry crooning melodies, it can be sexy too! Start out with this to get the mood going: “I need some love like I’ve never needed love before
(wanna make love to ya baby) I had a little love, now I’m back for more (wanna make love to ya baby)” Up the ante to a more spiritual realm, if you’re into that, with this lyric: “Set your spirit free, it’s the only way to be.” Now that things are heating up, lay down the gauntlet, while also alluding to the importance of protection: “Are you as good as I remember baby, get it on, get it on.” Then, because you’re not ready for children (because that means drinking no whiskey) be explicit and tell ‘em to “be a little bit wiser baby, put it on, put it on, ‘Cause tonight is the night when two become one,” not the night when two become three.

DANCING:

No explanation needed (possible?), just work these out in whatever way feels best, Whiskey Women.

Slam your body down and wind it all around.
Slam your body down and wind it all around (uh uh).
Slam your body down and wind it all around.
Slam your body down and zigazig ah

Slam it to the left
If you’re having a good time
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine
Chicas to the front
Uh Uh go round
Slam it to the left
If you’re having a good time
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine
Chicas to the front
Hi Ci Ya
Hold tight!

La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

-Wannabe, Spice Up Your Life

There you have it Whiskey Women. You have the tools, you have the knowledge, you have YOU. Grab a glass of Rye, put on your favorite Spice Girls song, and go out there and

SPICE UP YOUR LIFE!