I’m currently sitting in my bed wearing a raggedy red tshirt and some skeezy pajama shorts, unshowered, wishing I could take a nap because my eyes feel so heavy and sandy from lack of sleep (I went to the Flaming Lips concert last night and had to be up for work at 7), trying to think of an idea for this article when all I really can think of is how my foray into natural deodorant use isn’t really going all that well, how my feet hurt, that I’m running out of clean underwear, and feeling nervous about the money I’m going to spend at my friend’s birthday party tonight.
I’m tired, so I’m more susceptible to those undercurrents of sadness that seem to float through my days since going through my first real break-up.
For how long must we still miss the asshole that broke our heart? Seriously universe, this needs an off-switch.
But as I’m sitting here, trying to remember Eckhart Tolle quotes about happiness, a girl I haven’t seen since my early high school years pops up in Facebook chat just to say that I look pretty in my most recent tagged picture, and she wanted me to know.
Now, this is not a post about how ‘random acts of kindness’ can change someone’s day (though that’s true), but I was struck by the weight this girl’s compliment carried for my mood and the color of my day, and by the pure kindness behind it. She just wanted me to know I looked pretty, and wanted to let me know with more effort than simply pressing the ‘like’ button. It is her effort in writing me specifically that patched up my melancholy little heart for the day and set me back on my feet. I can find no greater reason to be grateful than knowing that people like Skylar exist, people who don’t give a shit about putting up a ‘cool’ Facebook personality presence (I’m guilty of that all the time), or worry themselves out of an interaction for fear of it being misinterpreted as “weird” or “creepy.”
I’m reminded of the advice I once received and have taken to be the clearest guiding principle for life ever since: be kind, and don’t lie. Simple, but to truly live by that directive takes a lot of courage.
One of the most difficult lessons to learn in life, I think, is to not lie to yourself. You must recognize when you’re trying to, so that you can understand just what it is you’re trying to avoid, and why. And being kind doesn’t always mean being nice. Sometimes, true kindness is knowing when to let someone go make their own mistakes alone, though they may be headed right into pain; you can’t uphold the lie that you’re the one who can save them. Nor can you uphold the lie that another person is the only one who can save you.
Sometimes, it takes the courage to drop your delusions and travel right into the heat-death of the universe and sit there, for as long as it takes.
I’m doing it right now. It sucks. But your life deserves to be populated by more people like Skylar, Whiskey Women. So, don’t date somebody that cheats on you, because you deserve a better love than that. Don’t be the cheater, because you deserve better love than that provides too. Don’t cut yourself down every time you look in the mirror. Don’t beat yourself up for sitting around in your pajamas instead of doing laundry.
Be kind to yourselves. And, as another of my friends always says, remember that you’re pretty and I respect you.